I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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