I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
