I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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