I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
