Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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