Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
