are you still at the devil's house?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
