You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This house was built for laser tag.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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