paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize