In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found your dick twin last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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