So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
