I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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