the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
