I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
