PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He better not be in your backpack
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
