No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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