very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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