I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
