Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
