i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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