i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
