At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Houston, we have a squirter
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
