I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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