shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
