a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
