Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
