i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
