how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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