Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize