Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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