when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pooping to opera.
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