mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
