Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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