Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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