we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's rum buckets o'clock
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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