Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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