Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
