When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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