her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize