That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
