Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
