this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
