He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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