Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
