I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
