I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize