It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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