He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
