I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
