just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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