i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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