how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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