i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize