Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
