i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
