I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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