I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
