just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
