nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
