I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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