I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
