i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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