The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
