I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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