I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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