You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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