Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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