Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
