Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize