Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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