I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
