just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
