dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
