The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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