well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
