Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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