then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
