She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
