Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
