And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
