Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
