I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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