you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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