just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
