hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
