you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
