I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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