I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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