i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
