I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
